(May 30, 2006)
Life is full of unexpected surprises. There are many opportunities when one can secretly wish for something exciting to happen – something out of the ordinary. The real surprise is when the wish unexpectedly comes true. I never believed that something like this could ever happen to me; such a thing that would make me stop and look back at the events in awe. I think you would agree that something as simple as being lost in the forest for less than ten minutes should have no influence on my life. If you do agree, that makes both of us wrong.
Throughout my childhood, I loved the wild. My family and I would always go for a walk in the downtown forest of Coote’s Paradise. There were many times I thought of what could happen if we were to lose our way from the trail and have to live off of the land until we found our way back to civilization. I thought it would be the greatest experience ever.
As my brothers and I grew older, we continued to go for these walks with our parents but the dreams of living in the forest I soon forgot. That’s when it happened. We decided to take a different path off the main trail. Before I knew it, the path had disappeared and no one in my family could tell where we had come from. It was so unexpected. It gave me a feeling of excitement that can’t be described. Everything in the forest seemed different. The trees were a deeper shade of green. The birds chirped in a different tone. Vines covered almost every inch of the ground. One part of me never wanted this moment to end. I felt completely free from the stress of my life outside of the woods. It was this moment that I realized that I would much rather stay here for the rest of my life than go back to society.
I think that another reason that I felt carefree was because my parents didn’t panic. They took the situation under control and headed for any open area in hopes to find a map (many of these maps were found throughout the grounds, telling you where you were). From my point of view, at the time, it seemed as if they were excited as I was about losing our way. In the end, it only took my parents ten minutes to find such a map and we were back on the trail in no time.
An experience like this made me think about my place in life. I’m the type who loves seeking out adventures. When we were lost, I realized that I had everything I would ever need with me – my family. They’ve always supported me in everything I do. This experience made me realize that families need to stick together; you don’t realize how much you need them until, for a moment, you think they’ll be the last people you see for the rest of your life.
It’s incredible how much a simple thing like being lost in a forest for ten minutes will affect your outlook on life. Things like not being able to find your way back to where you came from make you appreciate the little things in life. Looking back on the day, I realize now that it was fate. Moments like that are few and far between and should be taken as a lesson. Surprises like this were, and always will be, an unexpected gift for all.
Avoid using "as" : use "because".
Here is my edition of your essay. These are only suggestions. Organization, however, is important - like when you speak of your grandfather, his plants and his trees. These thoughts belong together. Hope this helps. John
I still remember (still have) many wonderful memories from when I was young. From the age of eight I lived with my grandparents because my parents were busy with their business. My grandparents (what about saying We all ?) lived in a beautiful, colourful, wooden five-room house. The front lawn was kept clean and bare. At the back, though, my grandmother had planted a number of vegetables for our consumption. There was also a chicken coop and a barn for the cows. My growing up years were often spent playing and exploring. I used to play soldiers, police and thief (native speakers would say "cops and robbers"), and hide and seek with my playmates all around grandfather's land. My grandfather taught me about plants and how to look after them. He also planted many kinds of fruit trees such as rambutan,papaya,durian,mangosteen and guava. My favourite was a rambutan tree which grew to look like a giant. My grandmother was a good cook and I remember hanging around the kitchen to help. I really enjoyed making 'kuih baulu' and frying the 'roti canai'. Back then, we seldom watched television because we were just busy having fun and doing other things. I really had a great time staying (living) with my grandparents. I used to wish that those moments would never end (would last forever). I will always cherish those beautiful memories of my childhood.